"...this is an important book if for no other reason than the lack of others like it on the market."
As a public reference librarian, I find Love Together: Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication a critical title for any library collection seeking to reflect the personal interests of the community it serves. LGBT issues have never been more prominent in our cultural conversation, particularly the topic of gay marriage. Love Together is a major contribution to a frank discussion, provides an excellent collection of primary documents for students researching the subject, and makes an excellent pairing with It Gets Better, Dan Savage’s very popular anthology of personal essays on the gay and lesbian experience. Potentially lifesaving for at-risk LGBT youth, this book belongs in every library.
Adult Services Librarian
Standley Lake Public Library
A Review by Armand R Cerbone, Ph.D., ABPP
Now that same-sex couples can marry, there is bound to be more need for research and training to treat them affirmatively. For those of us who have already been working with them for many years, there are new questions needing answers. For example, if and how will having options to marry affect the course of long-term relationships? How will legal recognition affect the age-old stigma against same-sex relationships and its effects on intimacy, attachment and expression? How will marriage affect younger couples or older couples whose experiences of sexual prejudice are vastly different? Or for those who live in rural communities or in red states? Or for those whose faith traditions are more conservative or punitive?
The questions are many and demand the kind of clarifications that only research can provide. I mean the kind of research that the Hereks, Pattersons, Kurdeks, and so many others have done over decades. Their research supported APA’samicus briefs that the California Supreme Court cited when they struck down the state ban against gay marriage that, in turn, resulted in the Prop 8 referendum outlawing same-sex marriages constitutionally. It was our research and the testimony of our psychologists in the appeals process that justices cited in nullifying the California referendum. And, finally, it was again our amicus brief that the U.S. Supreme Court cited in striking down all bans against same-sex marriages.
Now appears this book about gay male couples by Tim Clausen. Clausen is not trained as we are, steeped in theory, hypotheses testing, and critical thinking. Nor did he write with professionals in mind. He is, rather, an autodidact, developing his proficiency with interviewing over many years from his curiosity to find answers to his own questions, I imagine. He has studied not only male couples but also influential jazz musicians and families of the victims of the 9/11 horrors. The brief biography he supplies suggests a man who marches very much to his own drummer, who follows his own passions, but like any accomplished musician transforms notes into universal themes that keep resonating. In this book Tim has culled 23 from hundreds of interviews he conducted with gay male couples and strung them together. Collectively, they give us an oral history of relationships between two men. Read more.
Out in Print: Queer Book Reviews
February 2015 by Jerry L. Wheeler
Love Together: Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication
What you need to do is simply dig in and experience these forty-four lives and how they have come together and stayed together for amazing amounts of time. The similarities will become apparent, as will the differences. Make no mistake, this is an important book if for no other reason than the lack of others like it on the market. And it is even more important as it’s largely in the words of the men who live these lives. Highly recommended. Read more.
Marriage Equality USA
February 2015 Posted by Stuart Gaffney
I grew up two doors down from the local library, and as a kid I went there countless times. When I was in about 6th grade or so, I started to realize I was gay and began to wonder what life had in store for me – how could I learn more about what lay ahead for me and others like me – did I have a chance for my own happily ever after?
Plus - Sex & Dating
October 2015 by Raffy Ermac
Three New Looks at Struggling with Emotions, Addiction, and Intimacy
One of the biggest challenges many couples—gay or straight—face when they first get married is how to keep their relationship healthy and thriving for many years down the road. While there is obviously no single answer, Tim Clausen’s newest book seeks to help answer a question that plagues so many men who date men: How do we stay together over the long term? Featuring real-life success stories of male couples who have been together for 20, 30, and more than 40 years, Love Together gives readers an honest look at what it’s really like to be (and stay) in a monogamous relationship. In an age of rapidly increasing separation and divorce rates, keeping the intimacy and communication going in your love life is critical, and Love Together can help show you how.
Review: Love Together: Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication
June 2015 by Toby Johnson
The book is easy to read and quite interesting.
All of the couples are nice people whom you'd probably like to have as friends. A few are relatively famous; they had to be at least slightly prominent as activists and/or gay community figures for Clausen to have found them to interview. But they are all regular guys, people whose life experiences are not that different or special from the rest of us. So their sharing is meaningful. Their experiences--of the joys and difficulties, up and downs--are normal. The accounts of love and intimacy resonated for me with my own experience of a thirty-plus year relationship. Read more.
HuffPost Gay Voices
February 2015 by Janet Mason
LGBT Books to Warm Up With
When I picked up Love Together, Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication by Tim Clausen, I thought I would be reading about an experience vastly different than mine. But what I found was that as a lesbian in a long-term relationship (thirty years now and counting), I have a lot in common with these guys. Read more.
© Tim Clausen 2014