"I hope
Love Together will provide honest inspiration and encouragement to single gay men who are interested in finding a life partner."

About the Author
Tim Clausen is a self-taught jazz pianist and jazz historian. In 1995 he founded and facilitated the Milwaukee Gay Fathers Group, which ran for ten years and helped launch at least one successful long term relationship. Currently single, Tim lives with his cat, Pepper, who thinks that she is his girlfriend and that his interest in men is only a phase. Concert clips, CDs, and more are at www.timclausen.com.
Over the years I've been both intrigued and mystified by certain longtime male couples I've met who appear to be extremely well matched, who seem to have this good, upbeat flow of energy between them. If, as author Kent Nerburn says, the key seems to be in choosing well, these pairs appear to have done just that. I have often wondered, "Gee, how do they do it? Don't they get bored with one another? Run out of things to talk about? How do they keep things interesting in the bedroom, or did sex together as a couple go by the wayside long ago? How do they maintain harmony together for decades on end? Do they ever feel limited and stuck and miss their former freedom?"


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Of course, not all men are interested in or inclined towards long-term relationships. Many men, gay and straight, prefer a variety of partners and relish the freedom of being single and not having to answer to anyone but themselves. It may be, as some have speculated, that there are two basic types of wiring in males, where some are naturally geared toward marriage and others are not. It is also likely that there is some overlap between these types, so that a man who prefers single life might fall deeply in love with a guy he finds himself wanting to make a life together with, and their love relationship may or may not also include a degree of negotiated openness to being sexual with others.
 
I find it surprising that nowadays, with the stunningly rapid rise in acceptance of gay and lesbian relationships, when same sex marriage is so prominent in the American consciousness, that there is still such a noticeable lack of positive role models--healthy examples of longtime male couples--in books, film, and other media. Progress has certainly been made, but much more is still needed. I have known plenty of single gay men who are interested in finding a life partner who say, "I'd like to be in a healthy long-term relationship, but I really haven't a clue how they work for the men already in them." As wonderful as it is to see images of Elton John and his partner of many years in the media, how does their relationship actually work day to day? Singles, quite understandably, want to know things about longtime couples like: How did they meet? How did they know their partner was the right one for them? Were they sexual right away or did they take their time? Did they take their time moving in together? How do they keep from taking each other for granted? Have they ever sought out counseling together, and was it helpful for them? Did they ever want to end the relationship and how did they get through that? Do they communicate about absolutely everything together or not? Using a simple analogy, if one is interested in baking a cake, it is very helpful to read actual cake recipes and to learn in detail what kinds of recipes other bakers have used successfully. Just seeing pictures of beautiful cakes and hearing others talk about how wonderful and special their own cake happens to be is, of course, not as helpful. 
 
And that's where this book comes in. Love Together presents nearly two dozen in-depth, real-life portraits of healthy long-term love relationships between men, which I hope will provide honest inspiration and encouragement to single gay men who are interested in finding a life partner. This volume is my personal offering in the genre, and many more books of this type are still needed. Certainly there is also a place for the female counterpart to this book, which I will leave to some enterprising woman to produce. She will find a good template for it in these pages. It is my hope that Love Together will be genuinely helpful to established gay couples, and also educational for non-gay people who wish to better understand how longtime love relationships between men actually work day to day, to discover in what ways gay partnerships are similar to straight ones and in what ways they may differ.

 

 

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